Rainy Season

It's been raining for the past few days, especially in the afternoon. The morning would be started with brilliant sunlight, the sky as blue as the PKR flag, and the cotton candy snow, only to bring the blaze of fire to the skin when the clock turn 11am. It's so different compared to my younger days when the sun feels warmth against my skin, as I walked to the tuition center at the heart of Klang. Walking was once my favourite, I would love to walk to the shop, to the school; but it's not my favourite, now, not especially with the change in the weathers' pattern.
I remember when I was working as a School book shop girl at a primary school in Taman Gembira, I would commute at 1 o'clock in the afternoon from the Telok Gadong's Commuter Station to the Klang's Station every weekdays. Later on, instead of taking the bus to cross the river to get to the tuition center, I walked. I enjoyed the breeze that fell on my face, watching the flow of the Klang River, and sometimes I would meet up with other passerby. No one seems to bother on my right hand side, cause everyone is busy driving their vehicles.

That was years ago. Precisely, 10 years ago.

Today, I am not the person I used to be. I am not as cheerful as before. I am troubled by the mistakes I did everyday. I am not confident with every steps I took even if I carefully watch out for any corner stone. Nevertheless, I keep on making mistakes.

Relaying wholly to my family, I lost the chain of friendship. I became a person who never trust other people. I became a sulky person with changing moods. I became hideous and revengeful girl, which I hide very well behind my innocent smile.

And all I need right now, is a person who I am comfortable enough to cry and tell everything. No need to give comment, no need to give me support. No need to give me that funny face when I tell them how I hate ocra than butterfinger... but, there's no such person exist.

And being envious.... I wonder why my friends dont make any comments to any status I put on my Facebook wall. Am I that tak dipedulikan?

Owh... (t_t)

Malice and Desire-what's happening to me at PNMB

Jumaat, 8 Syaaban 1433H. Hari ni, seperti 2 minggu yg lepas, aku datang kerja dgn matlamat yg kabur. Malam tadi dah bersemangat nk ke al Hijrah la, nak ke MIMOS la, ke TM la, tapi saat kereta tu masuk perkarangan parkir PNMB je, trus mati semangat tu. Kenapa agaknya? Maybe sebab dah hantar surat resignation semalam, jadi semua yg berada di sini macam bayang-bayang dalam mimpi saja.
Ditambah pulak dengan kejadian yg berlaku baru-baru ni. Bila Kak Liza dan Kak Zarina adakan meeting tergempar Isnin lepas, segala2 nya seakan berubah sekelip mata. Meeting HOD baru2 ni menyatakan akan membuang salah seorang Sales Consultant yg tidak perform. Sebelum tu, Kak Liza dan K. Zarina ada beritahu aku sok sek2 ttg siapa yg baka dibuang tu, jadi aku tak de la cemas sangat. However, when the time comes, no body announcing the name, I got it from Ikin who eventually asked from our GM's PA, Baity about it and it really struck me hard like a bolt of lightning!

Fatin???

That's the name.

Why her? What wrong she did to PNMB?

There's nothing wrong she did to PNMB, no disciplinary issues (if there is, it's too minor to even be stated here)

Her sales? I mean, well, it's a brutal world for any sales worker out there, every body knows that. The figures don't hit the mark. So what? It's not as if we are selling an end product that everyone can see! We are selling services which need time for people to think about. And eventually, that's the reason. The only reason.

What? Just because her sales didn't hit the mark so they are throwing her out? tossing her aside like an unwanted chess piece!

I hate what the management did and I think this is the biggest mistakes ever done by them. I mean, Fatin is a very dedicated person and she's from a printing technology background. I cant believe MD acting like this. Just because our company's sales is not improving so they want to sacrifice Fatin to set example for those not-meet-the target's sales consultant???

My decision to leave this company is not a one day decision. I have been waiting patiently. I want to get married and own my own house, my own things to be proud off, but for what? SO that people will look high at me. Sometimes I am so confused with my own self, what is the thing i really want? when i see people talking about vacation, i wonder how much do they save monthly for a trip. Then, when I went to the masjid i saw groups of muslimah in their long veil, lowering their gaze from the men, their whisper are only the chant to praise the Creator. Again, I wonder how do they keep themselves, maintaining what they did without ignoring the colours, the excitement of this world?

I want to get out.

I want to get out of this cube I;m sitting in. I want to live a better life, be thankful with everything ALLAH SWT has given me and happy with it.

I am not an ambitious person nor am I too timid to not having the desire to have the Samsung 4S. :-p

Spring Cleaning Day!!! .. both my House and Life... plus my body...:)

It was not my usual habit to do spring cleaning every months or every weeks.. but I have planned to do it since last week. My poor 66 years old wasnt able to do everything by herself, all the cleaning things... that was one of the reasons why we moved out from our house in Klang.
I woke up at 6am, pray Subahi, feeling so lazy cause it was Saturday morning. I remembered when I was in college, I loved to wake up early in the morning especially on Saturday and Sunday. Students at the time like to wake up at 10 or 11 in the morning, but I loved to wake up early so I had the feelings that I owned all the time in the world.. pretty greedy, yeah I guess so..but who cares? I care, so what?
Anyway, back to yesterday. I started with the room I shared with mom. I looked around the room. Spider webs hanging on the top side each corner of the room, thick black nasty dust already make covered the ceiling fan... owh, no wonder I would feel so sick each morning..
I grabbed the sweep, the ladder, covered my nose and started to clear all the dust at the ceiling fan, wall, corners, the floor, under the bed..... then I continued outside, ending up with mopping the floor-twice.

Mirai Nikki~ so good to meet you!

This is not the first attempt for me to write in my diary online. It would be like my 3rd attempts and I hope I can be consistent on it. Keeping a normal type of diary-books-is handy indeed, but I just dont have the previleged time to sit down and write in. Plus, my handwriting is so bad these days due to the fracture i had on my right hand.
Mirai Nikki meants Future Diary in Japanese.. Mirai is future, nikki is diary. How I came up with this name? well, not long ago, i was so into Japanese things, and I named my previous diary, Mirai Nikki as well.. i think it sounded cool and different from others.. It is indeed a future diary for me, since everyone been using the internet to express whatsoever they have in mind, the expand their business, or just to get attention with their freaky blogposts...
I'm still new to the cyber world and I'm hoping to get new acquintance, to make friends, to expand my career (currently I'm a trainee at Sales Unit in a company), get new ideas and you know.. just to express and share my feelings. Lastly, but not least, have a nice weekend. It's a cool Sunday.. bright sunny morning, but cool, shady afternoon... :)